Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Backwards Forwards

Who still sends forwards? Well, my grandma does. Usually, they leave you with a bad case of TCO (total cuteness overload... see above) or convey some message of brotherly love so that any validity of the message is besmirched by its bedaubed presentation (gotta love alliteration).

Anyway, I delete most of them... but sometimes the subject line gets the better of me. Today was an example of the latter. The subject line is "FW: FW: FW: Yup Gitter Done!!!!!" OK so I've actually seen Larry the Cable guy live, and I laughed. So I figured I'd check this one out. The forward was about what a true American is.
I the first two lines have me chuckling:
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

Ha, I like this forward, it's satire on conservative Christians. I'm still not going to send it on... but I'll chuckle to myself as a drag it to the "Delete" folder. I read on, and hold the phone. I'm sure you all see where this is going, but the email is not a satire, it's serious. It continues along the lines of: you've given your last dollar to a friend, treated veterans with respect, or respected your elders. The email ends with "God Bless the USA, Git 'er Done!"

There is a deeper truth. A true American wouldn't protest about seeing the 10 commandments posted publicly, Nor would a TRUE American protest about seeing versus from the satanic bible posted publicly. That whole freedom of speech thing is constitutional right? Wait, maybe there's not a deeper truth. Perhaps being a true American means you must be, ignorant, close minded, and respectful only to those who agree with you. Perhaps I’m moving after graduation.

It's great that one of the true Americanisms is: you know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening. I guess this doesn't apply to liberals, or non-Christians. By the same logic, since I'm a true American, grandma and I are going to have a little talk. This forward makes me angry, frustrated, and embarrassed on so many levels. The only thing keeping my pants on is the thought that hopefully this isn't the majority. Wait... election 2004? Damn, wrong again. Don't get me wrong, I'm also pissed at liberals who are just as close-minded and stubborn. I guess this all reverts back to the adage that explains the differences between democracy in theory and in reality: "never underestimating the power of stupid people in large groups."

On a side note. It's hard to respect any large group of sheeple whose most popular catch phrases include uneducated or simply errant English: Git 'er done; Ain't Skeered, others. Also note, the number of non-cliché grammatical and spelling errors in this email is astonishingly high. That might suggest something about the intelligence of the person that started it. To demonstrate this, I provide as evidence, the last "paragraph" of the chain letter:
This is Excellent, No Matter what you deem fit to call it. It is our Country, It is our ways of LIFE, and I love it. If you agree please keep it going. Pass it on.
Not like my grammar is stellar, but if I was going to send something out with the intention of it reaching thousands of people, I'd try a little harder.

In honor of this. I'll switch my periods and commas for this last bit, but hey. That's my WAYS of LIFE. 'Merica,,, FUCK YEAH!


Blogger Cassy said...

Well well, the tirade continues...I'm reading your posts backward or is it backwards? I'm afraid to say, lest you judge me...j/k.

"True Americans" are taught not to think, to ramble off rote pledges and work until the day they can max out all their credit and ride their Hummers off into the sunset. It is a culture fueled by media that tells us we've got to have it, and we've got to have it now. Politics and thinking about anyone other than those within three feet of us rarely come into play. We are a culture centered around laziness and self-centeredness. What else would you expect? It is overwhelming to think that the changes that need to happen could not be finished, or maybe even begun in our lifetimes. Changes on a broad level.

Fuck categories. Liberals, conservatives. They're all labels that allow us to pigeonhole ourselves and others. We have enough ways to categorize each other and discriminate against each other. Don't let the labels, or your grandma get you down. There are thinkers out there. You may just have to look under some rocks.

2:30 PM  

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