Thursday, April 05, 2007

The story of the Giro Superfan

Edit: See the new ending.

So a little over two years ago. When Greg, Dave, Zack and I lived at Foxfire. Greg, Dave and I decided we were going to watch the beginning of what would be an epic Giro.
On this particular day the prologue starts at 3PM... it's 2:51 and the three of us are sitting in the living room waiting not very patiently. It's a nice nice afternoon in May in Missouri. We have the windows open. Since I'm always trying to make good things better I say something like, "Isn't this race in Italy? Shouldn't we be drinking wine?" We decide we have time to make a liquor run as long as I'm faster than normal (I have a history of browsing the liqour store for 45 mintues to an hour)... we all pile into a car and run to Arena Liqours, which derserves dual credit for most of our stories from Foxfire. Trying to find the perfect drink for any moment can be difficult, but on this day I thinks mine eyes were directed by the hand of Dionysus. We find Carlol Rossi... Sangria (but not like the one pictured above, that is the 3L... we got the 5L). $12 split three ways.. that's like 5 dollars each or something, sweet. We go. We get home just in time for the dramatic sports TV music to start. With Phil Legget jabbering about somebody sometime that won a race somewhere, we open the sangria. So we start into it, we all think it's a little sweet, but palatable and a nice complement to an afternoon of watching bike racing, perfect, my job here is done. After a few minutes, greg gets up and says "you guys need refills?" Dave and I calmy decline and continue watching we are not done with our first cup. Eventually, I need a refill, so does greg again. At this point I don't think Dave is liking the sangria, but he's playing along. Greg and I have to work at the Blue Note that night, so I'm not hitting it too hard. refills continue, as does bike racing. Around 4:45 we notice the sangria is disappearing at an alarming rate, and greg is getting louder and making large gestures with his arms when he talks. At this point we figure it's a good idea to go eat dinner (I think this was planned).

Mmmmmm.... we are hungry, Greg is out of meals and I only have two (for Dave and myself), so we do what most hungry guys do, we call the women. The freshman I'm dating doesn't have any meals left either (this is a bad day), but her friend does, and she's hungry. Knowing we have meals waiting for us homeostasis returns to the group. We prepare to leave, but greg isn't quite ready. Doing his Greg thing he just kinda says, "hang on" and returns smiling, holding a beer bong that we stole from Ryan Brown (thank's Ryan, it's been great). The bong's proper name is Betty. Greg has decided to bong some Sangria. Cool, whatever, it's daylight, seems right. Betty isn't a real skinny attractive type girl. She's kinda stout and built for working; she can carry a good load. Greg hits betty and and loses a little sangria on the back porch... he is not satistfied with his performance and decides to try again. The second time is picture (or story) perfect. Not a drop spilled, sangria goes down smooth. Ok that was sweet.... let's go eat dinner. We get to Eva'Js at 5:15 and Greg is getting pretty wound up. Greg meets his roomates girlfriend's friend and she swipes him for dinner after a drunken introduction. On this particular day Greg happens to know everyone in Eva J's... so it's only a matter of time before the whole place knows that greg is wasted. We get food, sit down, pray, and begin eating (one of those didn't happen). Greg eats a bite of his sandwich and a bite of just ad water macaroni and says, "Uh.... I'll be right back." As he heads in the direction of the exit (which also happens to the only way to a bathroom) we all turn to watch, but quickly lose interest as our focus is drawn back to the food directly in front of us. Apparently greg had a long circular discussion with the guy who was swiping cards to make sure the guy would remember him after he went to the bathroom. It went something like this:

Greg: Hey man, I need to go to the bathroom, will you remeber me when I come back.

Card Dude: Sure dude, no problem.

repeat 8 or 9 times, change wording a little each time with greg becoming increasingly concerned about being forgotten

When we all finish our dinner we comment that we don't know where Greggles went off to. Somebody takes care of greg's tray and we stroll out of Eva J's and head towards the lobby. I'm chatting it up with the girls and Dave finds Greg who immediatly says "we need to leave, now." Well, ok captain obvious, that was the plan anyway, but you just drank a half-gallon of sangria in 2 hours so I'll cut you some slack. Apparently greg had thrown up and then fallen asleep in the bathroom floor in Johnston Hall. Keep in mind that it's still very bright outside, birds a chirping, the gerg is hammerd ("the gerg" is Greg's name in all pirate lore).

We head towards the car... greg emphasizes the point that we need to leave now because he needs to be home. We get home and it's time for me to go to work... so dave graciously accepts the responsibility of a six and half foot tall man who is quickly losing control of all motor functions. As I'm walking out the door I pass dave trying to reason with greg, who at this point has taken off his pants and is sitting on the front porch, and who doesn't want to move.

Did I mention greg has to call in and maybe work in 2 hours? I mention to my boss that greg will be quite unable to function at work that night. Right on time at 8:00, Dave calls in for greg to see if he needs to come in. By this time greg is asleep (it's still daylight). Not one to be duped, our boss plays it coy and says he made need him and to call back in 30 minutes. He continues this pattern until 12:30AM.

I meet up with the girly after work, and we decide to watch a movie. Around 3 AM we are in the living room and greg comes up looking a bit haggard. He doesn't know what time or day it is, but we get him on track pretty quickly, he slams some water and goes back to sleep.

The next day I wake up at noon to observer the effects of adderall. Greg and dave are glued to the books. Apparently greg woke up around 6AM having already slept off his hangover and promtly began to study. It was a very productive day for him. That, children, is how you prepare for a proper day of studying.

Edit: Here is a picture of the aftermath, courtesy of "the gerg"
Notice the pants.


Blogger Apayo said...

That's EXACTLY the bottle I devoured lastnight... I'm such a lush! I just remembered this thought process that I had in my drunk state, "I want to learn a language, I'm going to buy that program I saw in a magazine... where is the magazine," find my adventure magazine, start flipping through it like a mad woman, and forget what I am looking for... I was trashed... haha.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Brady Beckham said...

was it Rosetta stone? I should have tried it.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Lanky said...

dude, i have pantsless pictures you should add to this. I shall email them to you.

At least you know that whenever you need material for your blog, you can write about me, dave, or zach. !!!

our house isn't nearly as exciting with you gone. it's been a bummer dude.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Drew Beckham said...

Damn, that is a hot ass-picture of Greg.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Lanky said...


8:55 AM  
Blogger Cassy said...

That's kablamo! I made some horrible sangria one Thanksgiving with that particular variety of booooze with my brother and his girlfriend. We each had a glass, and the rest of the bottle sat in the secondary fridge at my parents house for another year. Not kablamo.

2:24 PM  

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